Torrente – PC – Preview

“Get me some chips and salsa, ‘cause I need to
celebrate.  I’m fat.  I’m bald.  My ugly face sticks out like a thumb so sore
you could notice it a mile away.  But the ladies love me!  No really, they
do.  That’s because they know that at the end of the day, when all the body
bags are being filled and all the scum is being taken away, I’ll be the last
man standing.  I’ll be the one firing the bullets, and they’ll be the ones
taking ‘em.”

 

That’s
my interpretation of the crazy-fat-man-that-could (but didn’t), Torrente. 
He’s an absolute mess from the beginning of the game, and it doesn’t appear
that he’ll get it together in time for the final mission.  Anyone who plays
the game will realize that that’s the point: Torrente is intentionally the
worst possible choice for every job, especially one that involves saving
lives, protecting friends, etc.  “This is a very delicate situation which
needs to be handled by a true specialist,” Torrente comments during the
mission load screen.  “So we’ll have to find one.”

 

He may
be inferior, and his chances of success are smaller than the chances of them
making another Tomb Raider flick.  Yet he manages to save the day every time.

 

Playing
from either a first- or third-person perspective, Torrente won’t surprise
anyone at first.  The gameplay corresponds to his obesity, so you can’t run as
fast as you can in other action games.  You can’t jump either.  You don’t get
a force field, nor do you have a supernatural way of protecting yourself from
the farrago of assassins who wish to see you die.  In this respect the game is
pretty realistic.  Snipers are hard to detect without looking closely (or
getting shot, which is the way I usually became aware of their presence).

 


Real-world objects make great shields against gunfire.  Not much can withstand
the power of a grenade launcher, but it’s never a mistake to get behind a car
when a machine gun assassin opens fire.  Little damage is done to the vehicle
(unless it’s one you’re trying to protect).  Just wait it out.  No one can
fire a weapon forever.  Your enemies never actually run out of ammo, but that
doesn’t give ‘em free reign to fire a constant stream of bullets.

 

The
missions are nothing like you’d expect.  The first mission sends Torrente all
around town to defuse five bombs, a typical objective for the genre. 
Entertaining, but not very challenging.  From then on the game becomes much
more difficult.  It’s no longer about shooting, killing and stopping
explosives; soon you’ll have to save a blind man from dying a terrible death. 
You’ll have to replace sewer covers, shoot down wooden boards and close the
lid on any open manholes.  Otherwise Torrente’s blindfolded friend may slip
and fall.  The developers don’t know it, but they missed the perfect
opportunity for an “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” joke.

 

Another
mission lets Torrente make good use of his sniper skills.  What sniper
skills?  Believe it or not Torrente is an excellent marksman.  He can pick off
far-off enemies with the best of ‘em, and in one important mission he’ll have
to deactivate several bombs using nothing more than his rifle.  Shoot the
“off” switch on each bomb before the time runs out to win.  Don’t worry too
much about failing though.  Failing to complete the task just means that
you’ll have to try again.  Not the entire mission, just that part of it.

 

One of
the toughest, most excruciating missions you’ll encounter has Torrente acting
like a car shield.  His friend is in the car, he’s trying to escape, and it’s
up to you to walk alongside the car and guide it through the deadly, hitman-littered
streets.  They’ll bomb the heck out of you from all angles.  Your only hope is
to keep the car from moving too far ahead (you can do this by standing
directly in front of it), and successfully eliminate any snipers or grenade
launcher-toting enemies before you’re within their range.  Can’t do it?  Then
you’re toast.  You won’t have to worry about wearing cement shoes because your
feet will no longer be attached.  That kind of defeats the purpose of
torture.  You can’t inflict pain on something that’s already dead.

 


Torrente lightens the game’s dark mood, earning laughter (and a few covered
faces) for dancing and cheering when he wins.  He dishes out a number of
wisecracks throughout each mission, but his best lines are heard before the
mission begins.  It didn’t seem necessary to have him swear so frequently, but
I guess that was done to get the point across that he is not a good man.  Bad
men have no regard for foul language.

 

Crude,
obnoxious, and overly proud of himself, Torrente comes across has the hero
nobody wants to be.  But in a game world anything goes.  Video games make it
fun to be the fat guy who always got picked last in dodgeball.  They say it’s
what’s on the inside that counts.  But they were wrong.  What really matters
is how big the weapons are, and how much ammo they bring.  Torrente’s got the
proper firepower; all you need to do is lead him to victory.