Since videogames
have existed, people have been making games based on Superman. One of the
most popular superheroes of all time ought to be perfect subject matter for an
awesome game, logic dictates. Unfortunately, Superman games started out
bad on the Atari 2600 and have stayed that way since–including the legendarily
bad Superman 64, widely accepted as one of the worst games ever made. Of
course, with the recent film rebirth of the Superman franchise, Superman
Returns, the videogame adaptations can’t be far behind. Superman Returns
for Nintendo DS is no Superman 64, but unfortunately, it’s still really bad.
The game
follows the same general storyline of the film, picking up two years after
Superman 2, with Superman returning to Earth after a long absence and Lex Luthor
gaining access to Kryptonite. In addition, the game makers have expanded the
storyline, adding subplots revolving around Superman’s comic nemeses Parasite,
Metallo, Mongrel, Mr. Mxyzptlk, and Bizarro and their various plots that
Superman must foil.
When the game
begins, the player is presented with a grid-style map of Metropolis. As
Superman, the player must take turns moving around Metropolis claiming spots on
the grid as his territory. Simultaneously, villains move around the city
as well, creating crises at various locations; these events are the missions you
must complete to keep Metropolis safe. You can also confront the villains
themselves. Every turn, Metropolis loses health for every crisis still
active and every villain that’s not been taken out of commission. If
Metropolis loses all its health, it’s game over.
The missions
themselves come in a few different varieties. The most common has Superman
flying around the city, using one or more powers on whatever problem the mission
may offer (heat-visioning minions, carrying innocent citizens to safety, etc.)
Feats of strength (picking up heavy things) prompts a Simon-style minigame, with
three correct direction presses required under a time limit in order to
succeed. Fights against the villains are handled by way of a DDR-style minigame;
your success or failure is indicated in a video sequence showing Superman
beating his enemy to a pulp, or being beaten to a pulp, as the case may be.
All of this is
well and good, but unfortunately, the problems in this game rear their heads
early and don’t disappear for the remainder of the game. First and
foremost, Metropolis, shown in the comics and movies as the busiest, most
bustling city on Earth, is dead. Aside from ugly buildings and the
occasional car, the city has no features; there aren’t even any civilians unless
the mission requires it. In addition to the city, the game has other
graphical problems: while Superman and the main villains look all right (not
great-just all right), any random enemies, minions, or level-specific details
look terrible. Many times, it’s impossible to tell exactly what the nature
of a given enemy is. Whether you’re fighting robots or reptiles, it won’t
make any difference; they’ll just look like bad polygon models.
Of course,
the worst graphics of all time wouldn’t matter much if the gameplay was fun, but
it is my duty to tell you that it is not. Controlling Superman while he flies
is decent enough, but the gameplay and objectives are so repetitive and boring
that it doesn’t really matter. Almost every mission is a slight variation on a
very simple formula: fly through a maze of buildings (or cliffs–some missions
take place in the wilderness or underwater, but the formula doesn’t change a
bit), find between eight and twelve of whatever is causing trouble, and press a
designated button (which gets displayed onscreen) to use the appropriate power
and defeat the problem. This formula gets old by the second mission, but the
missions follow it to the end of the game–by which time you will be thoroughly
sick of it. I suppose it could be counted as a blessing, then, that the game is
one of the shortest I’ve ever played–clocking in at a whopping hour and twenty
minutes from new game to the end. The final level–there isn’t really a final
“boss”–consists entirely of ten or twelve of the “Simon” style minigames in a
row; beat them all and you win. Awesome, huh? Don’t even get me started on the
Bizarro levels; whoever’s idea it was to have them viewed upside down (with
matching reversed controls) deserves to have to play these levels, over and
over, until they go crazy, which wouldn’t take long.
Maybe someday,
someone will create a videogame worthy of the Man of Steel. Until that day
comes, however, steer clear of this one. While it may not match the
infamous awfulness of Superman 64, it gives it a run for its money, and that’s
saying something.
|
Review Scoring Details for Superman Returns |
Gameplay: 4.2
The boss fights
are, at best, decent; the rest of the gameplay is not. Poor concepts plus
lackluster execution equals unhappy gamers.
Graphics: 4.5
The game looks
like a poor first generation N64 game. The DS can do a whole lot better.
Sound: 4.3
I turned the
volume off after the first stage, and I suggest you do the same.
Difficulty: Easy
Except for the
Bizarro levels (which are frustrating-hard, not challenging-hard), a toddler
could finish this game.
Concept: 4.8
Trying to shoehorn
the open-world current gen title onto the DS in the form of a grid-based board
game gets points for effort, but not many.
Multiplayer: 4.4
Multiple Supermans
(Supermen?) race to complete level goals before each other. It’s that same
gameplay you know and love from the single player, only now you’re subjecting
your friends to it, too!
Overall: 4.3
While it’s not the
worst Superman game ever made, it’s still not anything any sane person would
want to play. If you need a Superman fix, go rent the DVD instead.
