I have not seen the movie, but since it’s a kid’s
film, there must be a video game for it. Despite liking Tom Hanks, the movie’s
trailers have not lured me into the theater just yet. Maybe on video. In the
meantime, I have been playing Polar Express for the Game Boy Advance. In
Polar Express, you are a youngster that must complete totally unexciting tasks
along a moving train that’s headed towards the North Pole. There is riveting
(non oral) narrative and instructions to lead your way into each challenge. The
ultimate goal: Stay "with it" long enough to make it through the game without
throwing it in the snow. Seriously, this (mostly) side-action scroller has been
made a million times before, only usually much more interesting.
To complete the missions, you collect jingle
"balls", candy canes and other such fantastic goodies. Some are optional, but
some are mandatory to advance to the next level. You can jump, crawl and move
wooden crates to accomplish the feats. Sometimes, there is a minor bit of thrill
and feeling of fun, but mostly the actions are tired, futile and unrewarding.
There are magical steamer trunks (seriously, they
glow and magical sparks fly out of them!) that give you anything from agonizing
pogo sticks to amazing socks. Yes, socks!!!! The dang pogo sticks are not
always a necessity, but in some cases, you must bounce on the stupid thing and
use it to retrieve an object or get somewhere, physically. The sticks are darn
hard to use, and just plain silly. It takes some serious thumb-working and
button mashing to get anywhere. Then, once you’re done with it– you can toss it
away and cheer. But, if you make one tiny error in using it, it will run off on
its own and you have to return to the trunk and get another one. That happened
way too often for my liking.
While most of the action takes place within the
train, some of it does not. There is an amazingly horrible sequence on TOP of
the train in which you must duck or jump until you reach your goal. The train
moves fast, and the controls are shoddy. The response is totally unpredictable.
One button push makes you jump quick, then in a few seconds, you can push it
again and it acts as if there is a "delay" built in. That results in taking on
damage. Take a few such hits in any level and you must start over. Sometimes,
all the way back to the beginning of the level– depending on if you have hit a
"Save" point or not. They can be missed, or not there at all. Look for the
steaming cups of hot cocoa that float around here and there. They give you a
boost and regenerate some lost energy. There are not enough of those in some
sequences. C’mon, folks… make it fair, at least!
The sound is sublime and non-eventful. It’s OK
with some headphones on, but the quality and originality is weak. Grunts, silly
generic music and awful train sounds make you look for the "down volume"
control, quickly.
The graphics are the strongest part of the game.
I guess it was not too difficult to accomplish since the game is based on a
(computer) animated movie, so actual humans did not have to be reproduced. It
looks nice, but looks aren’t everything, and not enough to save this from being
a let-down.
I honestly do wish film companies did not "need"
to create games for every kids title they release in theaters. If they must,
then they need to take it more seriously, and put work on it– instead of
retooling a tired genre and stamping a name-brand on it. That’s all this is.
"Fill-in-the-blank" video game making at its best/worst. Someone should not only
NOT get a trip to Santa’s home for this, but also deserves a lump of coal
in their stocking. My only hope is that it is done much better on other
platforms (see other reviews on Gamezone to find that answer!).
Gameplay: 4.5
Imagine a tired, worn out side-scrolling game crammed into a tiny-capacity
platform like the Game Boy. Now, take away most of the fun, and this is how it
plays. There are a few redeeming features, but they are too rare. It starts out
OK, and you feel like there’s going to be something unique, here. But, before
the first level is complete, you realize you’ve played it before.
Graphics: 6.5
Making graphics from an animated movie is much easier than other scenarios,
but it still takes work. The game looks as good as it is BAD to play. It’s good
eye candy for the most part, but even some of that gloss is lost in crucial
areas. It shouldn’t be so hard to identify critical pieces of the game. The
bells don’t look much like bells. Being that collecting them is the object of
the game— that’s kind of a bad thing!!!
Sound: 4
The music is generic, mall-music without the ability to jump into a music
store for relief. What you hear is what you get– and you get it bad. Trains,
apparently, make no other noise except the "clack" of the tracks. Silent
running. Amazing!
Difficulty: Medium
For the most part, it’s easy. The objectives are clear and spelled out
(literally) for you. Some of the motions are horribly wrong, but when they do
work fine for most of the game. I found the "on top of the train" sequence to be
way too hard and unpredictable. Moving with the pogo stick is a joke, but using
it does not usually last long. Use it– then toss it quickly and move on.
Concept: 4.0
There’s no concept at all. Zero. However, there is enough puzzle-solving and
hopping around to see that some thought went into the design. The execution of
the ideas was bad, but the thought counts– a little. The movie is about a
secret train-ride to the North Pole. The game is about making a game to
capitalize on a movie. Original concept?
Overall: 4.5
I not only disliked this game, but found it very difficult to play. Not
because it was hard to figure out the puzzles or move around, but because it had
no fun to it. It started out good, and if the review was based on my first five
minutes of play, I would have scored it through the roof. But, it quickly
swerved into the listless zone of "Oh, I played this before… and it was bad
then, too". It really is too much to ask for them to not feel compelled to churn
out meaningless games for the sake of rising the money train, but I do not
comprehend a room full of people playing this and (with honesty!) declaring this
is a fun game, and people will love it! Skip this train and maybe walk to the
Pole, instead. There’s nothing here to ride. The game has left the station–
only to be derailed by tired action, no imagination and sloppy design. Someone
had better call the Dept of Transportation and file a complaint.
