There are
some games that are so bad that they’re actually good and some of them – while
riddled with problems – have some redeemable features that actually make it
worth playing or even owning. These guilty pleasures may not have even sold well
but it doesn’t really matter as long as you – the gamer – enjoy playing it. Some
of these games even feature some shameless piece of fan service (e.g. skimpy
outfits for lovely female characters) but there’s something fun about the
gameplay. Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad for the Xbox 360, unfortunately,
isn’t one of these guilty pleasures no matter how you slice and dice it.
Bikini
Samurai Squad is a third-person hack-and-slash action game featuring ladies that
prefer to take on a group of zombie hordes wearing bikinis or outfits that are a
bit too revealing. Ok, that’s not so much a problem. I mean, you wouldn’t expect
them to get blood all over a Prada dress, right? In the game’s Story mode, we
are introduced to Aya and her half-sister Saki who are watching the news when
they see that the city is overrun by zombies and monsters. The sisters dress up
(or down) for battle, grabbing their samurai swords. You see, Aya and Saki carry
a curse known as the Baneful Blood that gives them to power to take on this
particular threat.
You can
switch instantly between Aya or Saki with the right trigger, which allows you to
break away from combat if one or the other is too injured to continue or if you
like a change of combat style. Aya, who can wield two swords and favors a skimpy
bikini while wearing a cowgirl hat, isn’t quick but she’s powerful. Saki, who
wears a Japanese schoolgirl uniform, is quick and able unleash quick slashing
moves. Both characters can also perform a quick melee attack such as a jump kick
or a roundhouse kick when enemies get to close. Aya has a projectile attack and
Saki can perform a dash.
Unfortunately, these moves are wasted on brain-dead enemies that don’t even try
getting out of your way. The blood really flies in the game, often soaking your
character so you have the option to wipe away the blood from your blade. Remain
blood splattered and you suddenly go into a rage mode called Ecstasy that makes
it easier to slice through enemies but it slowly drains your life if you don’t
find a way to calm the blood rage within. There are boss battles but none of
them is challenging or particularly fun, such as the time you take down a
mysterious man with a gun. Even the bigger bosses don’t prove to be exciting.
Story mode
also follows a linear path with very little room to explore your surroundings
and there’s not much of a story to follow either since the level intros are
handled in longwinded scrolls read by Aya. There are a few moments in the game
that mixes things up a little, such as the time Saki is kidnapped or when a
third girl, Anna, is introduced. If swords aren’t your thing, Anna is a pleasant
break seeing as she favors guns rather than blades.
To add to
the long list of problems, however, it doesn’t matter whether you’re slashing
your way through zombies or shooting them. The controls aren’t completely
responsive and all three girls move awkwardly. The camera is also not your best
friend, often concealing the enemy that’s right in front of you.
Aside from
Story mode, there’s also Quest Mode that opens up a few scenarios straight from
the game main mode only with a few restrictions (low health in some cases) and
conditions (must clear the area before the time expires). Survival mode has you
ripping through hordes of enemies in stages to see how far you can get without
dying. You can also play through the game with a friend via Tag Play, a co-op
feature that allows you to play the Story mode or Free Play mode (that allows
you to play through Story mode sans cut scenes). The game even contains a little
zombie killing mini-game while the game loads.
On the
graphics front, Onechanbara is not a very pretty game even though the stars of
the game are attractive warriors. Sadly, the game doesn’t look like it should
belong on the Xbox 360 or even the original Xbox. In fact, the game looks like
it would feel more comfortable on the PlayStation 2. The backgrounds are bland
and the character models don’t move realistically whether they’re walking or
swinging a sword. You can change a girl’s outfit via Dress Up mode but that
doesn’t change the fact that the characters aren’t rendered as well as they
should.
There’s not
much of a soundtrack here either, unless you like heavy guitar riffs and music
that occasionally feels out of place when the action gets really intense.
There’s not much in terms of sound effects either, although listening to a sharp
blade rip through zombies isn’t half bad. The Japanese voice cast is decent
enough but nothing special.
In the end,
Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad for the Xbox 360 fails to offer anything close
to a fun game that is able to redeem itself from the number of problems that
plague this game. We love a good hack-and-slash action game when it’s done right
but this one just falls flat in the action department. Sorry, ladies, but even
your skimpy outfits aren’t enough to bring all the boys to your blood
splattering action game.
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Gameplay: 4.0
The Bikini
Samurai Squad goes up against hordes of zombies and other monsters but the
action and the levels start feeling repetitively bland. The levels aren’t very
imaginative and the boss battles are rather dull affairs. In short, even bikinis
can’t make this game interesting.
Graphics: 3.5
The game’s
graphics would look great if this was the PlayStation 2 but what we have here is
a game that just doesn’t take advantage of the hardware’s graphical
capabilities. The blood certainly flies in this game but the characters move
awkwardly.
Sound: 3.5
The score is
easily one of the most irritating features of the game aside from the gameplay
and there’s very little in terms of sound effects here. The Japanese voice work
isn’t bad at all but it’s not great either.
Difficulty: Easy/Medium
The only thing
challenging about this game are the bigger monsters as well the fact that you’ll
be fighting off a rage mode. There are boss battles but they are just not
challenging at all.
Concept: 4.0
Three cute girls
decide to take on hordes of zombies and an assortment of other monsters that
have overtaken the city and one of them uses a gun instead of a blade. There’s
not much of a story in the main mode but there’s always Free Play, Survival and
Quest Mode to keep you busy. Oh, and there is co-op and you can always dress up
the girls in different outfits for those who care about that.
Multiplayer: 3.5
There’s no online
multiplayer fun to be had in this game but the game does allow for co-op action
that makes going through the tougher level a bit easier with a friend taking up
the role of the other girls.
Overall: 4.0
A linear,
uninventive and utterly boring action game from start to finish, the
splatter-fest that is Onechanbara makes us wonder how a game with bikinis this
skimpy could be a very bad thing. I like a good hack-and-slash action game but
this Bikini Samurai Squad makes mindless fun feel really quite unentertaining.
