Just five minutes into Actual Sunlight, I found myself repulsed.
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. The game is described as an “interactive story about love, depression and the corporation” on its official website. But what depression. What soul-crushing, terrifying, hopeless depression.
I felt repulsed because I have been conditioned, after more than fifteen years of playing video games, to feel affection for the protagonists I am controlling. But it is borderline impossible to feel any sort of affection for Evan Winter, a man who does not feel a shred of affection for himself — and tells you this, in a stunning number of different ways, for Actual Sunlight’s entire duration.
Your choices as the player do not matter here. This is not a piece of interactive fiction. It is, as creator Will O’Neill puts it, a “portrait.” An uncompromising freeze-frame on three separate points in Winter’s life, three points past an invisible threshold marked “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” It would be all too easy to look at this as some sort of cop-out; yes, there are few opportunities for interactivity here, and gaming is a medium that puts interactivity at the forefront.
The lack of player choice is deliberate. The narrative lurches to its conclusion after an hour, ending in an outcome that you cannot change. It is inevitable, and it is obvious after the first few moments. Your only option is to watch it happen, and to learn what transpired on the way there.
As the player, your sole input lies in interacting with things around Winter; you can examine everything from the belongings in his apartment to fellow employees at his office. He has a story to tell about each of them, told as simple text against a black screen, and his prose is compelling. It’s also exhausting to read. Derision, hatred and resentment fill most of these tales; the others are occupied by sadness and regret. One particular scene, involving Winter’s relationship with a woman at the office, is heart-wrenching. I’ll admit I had to take a few breaks to avoid getting dragged under.
You may have noticed that I’ve elected to review Actual Sunlight in the first person, an editorial choice not often employed in game criticism. I felt it would be impossible to do the game justice without it. If you have ever felt the nauseating caress of depression, ever stared into the hollow abyss of utter despair, the path walked by Evan Winter will feel chillingly familiar. He is exactly the person that I, and I’m sure many others, have feared becoming.
Ask the average gamer why they play, and the word "fun" is likely to appear in their answer. Evan Winter would answer differently, and along the same line, I cannot recommend Actual Sunlight as I would other games. It is not fun, but it was not created for your entertainment. If you are currently in the throes of depression, I implore you to hold off until you are in a better place. For all others, especially those in recovery, this is a beautiful and uncompromising portrait of despair.
