Damn nature, you scary: Asteroids roll deep

Listen up swine, today I learned that asteroid’s travel in packs like raptors. Just in case the 1,100 foot space missile hurling through the dread of space propelled by nightmare fuel that just missed Earth by 745,000 miles on January 26th wasn’t enough to terrify you, how about the fact that it wasn’t alone? NASA took pictures revealing that this malevolent messenger of death also has a ‘moon’ orbiting it. Why the f@#$ not?

Let’s break this down for I fear you're not getting it. This asteroid is known by lab coats as 2004 BL86. That name just rolls off the tongue. Sure saying it ‘just missed’ Earth on Monday is a bit of an exaggeration. However, 745,000 miles in space-talk is nothing. Space laughs at 745,000 miles. This is only 3.1 times the distance from Earth to the Moon. THAT’S CLOSE ENOUGH!

Second, a 1,100 foot piece of space debris is not ‘nothing.’ Actually, it’s a 1,100 foot ticking time bomb. Sure, sure, it did in fact miss Earth, but that doesn’t mean the rest of infinite space is safe. Space is never safe. NASA’s pocket protectors would like us to believe that 2004 BL86’s pass is the closest an asteroid will come near Earth in the next two centuries. Propaganda. I haven’t forgotten about angry black holes either.

Lastly, and most importantly, THE ASTEROID HAS A MOON! This means there is a smaller and tinier asteroid is spinning around a massive asteroid. This is the equivalent of the military creating a missile that has other missiles spinning around it to make even more things go boom. Now make this second ‘smaller’ missile 130 feet long and you have your answer to why space is the most intimidating gimmick in existence. Oh, NASA also says asteroids have been known to have ‘triple systems’ which is laymen’s terms means two moon. Nope.

Asteroids don’t worry you? Interesting. Ask the dinosaurs their thoughts about murderous space torpedoes. Spoiler, you can’t.

[NASA]