Remember when I said Legendary Engram was the biggest new troll on the internet? The mock twitter account, which plays off the fact that Legendary gear is so hard to get in Destiny, is hilariously mean. And so darn true. Well, now I've got one better; someone has created a Twitter account for the real as*hole behind your suffering, the Cryptarch.
In Destiny, the Cryptarch is the gatekeeper, the one who ultimately decides if that Legendary Engram that you spent hours grinding for is actually a Legendary piece of gear. In most cases, it's not. The Cryptarch makes a living off your suffering; he drinks your salty tears.
Now he's got a Twitter account, and he's letting you know everything he's thinking. He really is a cruel bi*ch.
I like hearing the screams when legendary engrams turn into blue weapons and gear, I have to amuse myself somehow.
— Cryptarch (@TheCryptarch) September 16, 2014
I am actually the final boss of @DestinyTheGame
— Cryptarch (@TheCryptarch) September 16, 2014
I'm very much the gamestop of @DestinyTheGame , The trade in values are awful.
— Cryptarch (@TheCryptarch) September 16, 2014
I don't know what I find more amusing. Giving people different class items or worse gear. #DecryptionDilemmas
— Cryptarch (@TheCryptarch) September 17, 2014
How was my night you ask? Well I was up all night decrypting your mother, turns out she was common.
— Cryptarch (@TheCryptarch) September 17, 2014
That last one really gets me, but I totally imagine it's something the Cryptarch would say — right after turning your Legendary into an Uncommon. At least I can take solace in the fact that it's not just me with the rotten luck.
You can follow The Cryptarch over on Twitter. Who knows, maybe his tweets can give you a laugh or two right after he shatters your dreams in-game.
