The first North American Splatfest has gone to the Dogs. Notice how going to the dogs is also a colloquialism for being ruined? That's because Dogs ruined Splatfest by claiming victory via popularity, proving the mongrels have wormed their way deeply into the hearts of many Americans.
The results are as follows:
Popularity: Dogs 62%, Cats 38%
Win Percentage: Cats 51%, Dogs 49%
Final Result: Dogs 160, Cats 140
Do you know why people are called cheating or lying dogs? It's because Dogs are actually lying cheaters, as evidenced by these results. Well, if you can't beat them, through skill at the game, turn it into a popularity contest I guess.
In my personal, and totally unbiased opinion, I want to end our Fourth of July Splatfest activities by partaking in the most American of pastimes, complaining:
When in the Course of Splatoon events, it becomes necessary for one team to dissolve the developmental bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of Inkopolis, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Squid and of Squid's Kid entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of squidkind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all squid are created equal, that they are endowed by their Developers with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Turf Battles, Staying Fresh and the pursuit of Splatfest Victory through Skill…
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You probably can't follow my completely original, flowery speech anyway, so TL;DR: The results are BS, Go Team Cats, let's do the American thing and riot.
