North American Splatfest foreshadows the fall of American society, Team Art wins

In another North American first, Art beat Science by the same score across both categories, just narrowly sealing the victory for Art. What's going to happen now and where do we go from here?

Given Splatoon's post-apocalyptic setting, this is probably a historical reenactment.

Many of us knew beforehand that Science couldn't win in North America. Despite being home to some of the greatest scientific minds to walk the Earth, like Astrophysics Black Guy, Asian Einstein, and Wheelchair Dude (as they're known in the US), America is pretty much the slow child in the class room of the civilized world. We lose out to countries like Slovenia, Latveria, and Latvia on a regular basis.

How bad is that? Well, only two of those three countries are real, and since America sucks so bad at geology, you probably can't tell which one is the fake without Google-ing it on the smart device that's slowly becoming a permanent fixture of your hand. Consistently near the bottom, Americans are painfully unaware of their position: Almost a third of the country believes the US is above average or the best in the world at science.

Dr. Doom is literally crying for Americans here.

As for what we should do? I'm going to hunker down and ride out the wave of Miiverse posts by people who think they have artistic talent, but don't. Then, I'll bide my time as global warming causes the sea levels to rise and submerge Florida. Hopefully this raises the national IQ to a point that we allow Texas to think they're leaving the Union, as we sell the land back to Mexico. The revenue from these moves, and the greater alacrity afforded by less moving parts and higher average IQ, will be taken advantage of to better fund science in schools, eventually ending global warming before Waterworld comes to pass and Kevin Costner is heralded as the new Nostradamus.

At least Splatoon will give us something to do as the ocean slowly creeps upward. How did you do this past Splatfest, and what do you hope the next one will cover? Let us know in the comments section, and remember to stay fresh.