The 4th of July. Independence Day. July 4th is the greatest day of the year for Americans to celebrate freedom and democracy by grilling a bunch of meat and blowing sh*t up. Summer is brutal, though. It’s tough to spend most of your day outdoors in 95+ degree temperatures, only to go out in a humidity and mosquito-laden night to watch fireworks. Sure, pools and water activities help, but the sun is unrelenting.
For gamers, these conditions could be most uncomfortable. That’s why I’m suggesting you take breaks from the daytime Independence Day activities to sit in the comfort of air conditioning and play a video game or two. And just because you’re on your PC or gaming console doesn’t mean you can’t be celebrating the United States’ independence.
Here’s some alternative ways gamers can celebrate the 4th of July.
Honorable Mention: Saints Row 4
If Saints Row 4 was already released, this list would probably only have one item on it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come out until August. Saints Row 4 has you, the leader of the Saints, now in the position of President of the United States. We’ve played it, and it’s some of the most fun I’ve ever had playing a video game. Until it releases, you could just watch the Saints Row 4 Independence Day trailer.
Play League of Legends only as Uncle Ryze
Are pro North American teams having as much success in tournaments as European, Chinese or Korean teams? No. But that’s only because Canada is probably bringing us down. It’s only appropriate that you show other summoners on the Fields of Justice your patriotic spirit. Instalock Ryze, regardless of what role you’re playing, and spread democracy with the Uncle Ryze skin one Rune Prison at a time.
Keep dying to the Motorized Patriot in BioShock Infinite
BioShock Infinite’s floating city of Columbia is set during the growth of American exceptionalism. It looks like a prideful United States city, and I just feel like Comstock and his followers get what the spirit of the United States is all about.
The personification of Columbia’s values are embodied in the Motorized Patriots, sculpted to a war machine of patriotism and with the likeness of George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. I couldn’t think of a way to thank those two great American presidents than to die at their ruthless hands over and over. After all, the Tree of Liberty must be watered with blood.
Buy the Assassin’s Creed 3 ‘Tyranny of King Washington’ DLC; never play it
How dare Ubisoft suggest that there could be an alternate version of George Washington where he rules as a tyrannical king. It is blasphemous to think the Father of our Country could ever go mad with power. President Washington was one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, not a king that sat on a throne. HOW DARE YOU, UBISOFT!!!
Refuse to accept this DLC as Assassin’s Creed canon by either buying it and never playing it, or by playing it but letting King Washington continuously defeat you. Sure, you’ll never beat it, but do you really want to beat the first President of the United States?
Play the PS1 game Independence Day
Independence Day is arguably one of the worst games ever made. It’s an air combat game where you don’t see objectives until they’re right on top of you, and where the combat has zero excitement. Essentially, it’s everything the movie is not. But it’s a tie-in game to a movie titled Independence Day, so you have to play it on the 4th of July.
So what if it doesn’t have some of the greatest scenes from the movie. So what if you do the same thing every level in different, poorly designed major cities. So what if Bill Pullman’s speech as United States President Thomas J. Whitmore on the morning of July 4th isn’t in the game…
Ya know what? Don’t play this sh*tty game. Just watch the movie instead. What the f*ck was I thinking…
Sit on your couch and watch Netflix
It’s hot outside. You’ve eaten a few too many brats, hotdogs and hamburgers. You’ve consumed more beer than you should have. You’ve been gluttonous, and that’s okay – you’re American. You’re celebrating the freedom that you exercise every day.
You’ve earned a tiny nap on your couch, relaxing in the cold A/C as you watch episodes of Mad Men or Breaking Bad. What’s more American than watching TV after you’ve eaten too much?
You can follow Senior Editor Lance Liebl on Twitter @Lance_GZ. He likes talking sports, video games, movies, and the stupidity of celebrities. Email at [email protected]
