ActRaiser, Kid Chameleon, J.J. & Jeff

The game: ActRaiser
Its cost: 800 points

ActRaiser is one of those games that come along only once in a blue moon. The game was developed by independent software house Quintet (Illusion of Gaia, Godzilla Generations, and Robotek). Since the game was published by Enix back in the day, the Virtual Console version comes to you courtesy of their current owner Square.

Though the North American version is slightly censored, the game’s story is that of a holy allegory based upon Judeo-Christian beliefs. The hero’s name was God (The Master in this version), and the villan’s name was Satan (Tanzra in this version). The ending of the story is very unique for a game of this era, and is not to be missed.

ActRaiser is a hybrid combination of a typical 2D hack n’ slash platformer mixed with a god game. In the traditional platforming sections, you take control of “The Master” as he slays demons and frees the people of his world. Each stage ends with a boss, each progressively more difficult than the previous. Between the action sequences, you will be taken to an overworld map where “The Master” returns to his palace on a cloud where you can continue to slay demons, or you can create life, perform miracles, raise villages, or even gain power from the prayers of your followers. The balance in gameplay between platforming and a literal god game is unique and brilliantly executed.

Yuzo Koshiro’s soundtrack for ActRaiser is one of the earliest examples of how well the Super Nintendo could handle an orchestral score. Regardless of how technology has moved on since 1991, ActRaiser’s symphonic score still inspires like a classical opera from ancient times and melds with the visuals to create an ambiance that sucks you right into the adventure. For an early Super Nintendo game, ActRaiser shows off the hardware. You can see how the development team played around with the console’s “Mode 7” abilities to zoom in on your current location on the map before you begin each stage. It’s cool to watch, but you can skip if you so desire. This is still first-generation Super NES material so the character animations are a bit stiff and jerky, but the artwork and solid controls help hide the game’s age fairly well.

ActRaiser is a rare gem that takes two completely different genres and melds them together to a surprising level of success. Thanks to its fairly deep yet accessible gameplay, any fan of either genre will find much to love here. If you are a fan of both genres, you should have already downloaded it by now.

Sega Genesis

The game: Kid Chameleon
Its cost: 800 points

Sega had their share of failed franchises back in the day. Some came before Sonic trying to cash in on Nintendo’s bankable “cute” stigma, and others came in the wake of Sonic attempting to bank on the new badass/cool trend. This falls in the latter. In the 90’s, Sega seemed to be under the belief that adolescent kids jumping around in sunglasses was the definition of “cool”. Maybe they had just watched one too many Burger King Kids commercials for their own good. That’s what playing a Kid Chameleon feels like: a Burger King Kids commercial. From a design standpoint, this is straight-up 2D platform action without many frills thrown in at all. The story says that you are supposed to be “the baddest boy in town”. “Riiiight.” A new game at the arcade is sucking the neighborhood kids into its world, and you have to go in and save them while becoming the world’s first Holographic champion in the process.

The game’s gimmick is the ability to put on various helmets to transform Kid “Chameleon” into different forms. His collectible powers include sticking to walls, transforming into a tank, becoming a Jason look-alike, and an Eyeclops helmet that lets you light up invisible blocks with a huge ray. The level design is passable, but sometimes the need to find invisible blocks to move through a stage feels cheap and uninspired. The controls take the traditional Genesis three button approach (run, jump, attack) so the game doesn’t work well with the Wii-remote. You will be better suited with a Classic controller for this one. The graphics are simple and generic with limited parallax scrolling as the game’s most impressive effect, and the music is just noise.

This is one of The Sega Technical Institute’s weaker attempts. There isn’t anything truly wrong with Kid Chameleon, but it lacks creativity and originality. We have been down this road many times before with dozens of different characters. Kid Chameleon just didn’t do enough to stand out from the pack back then, and it sure as heck doesn’t now.

TurboGrafx-16

The game: J.J. & Jeff
Its cost: 600 points

Ever heard of Fun TV With Kato-Chan and Ken-Chan? It was a 1980’s Japanese variety show that served as the inspiration for the long-running North American series America’s Funniest Home Videos. This is a Japanese platformer starring Ken Shimura, and Cha Kato, the hosts of Fun TV. When you look at it from that perspective, you realize this is a licensed platformer, and it’s a generic one at that. The licensed Japanese game was ported over from Japan, and the names were changed to protect the not so innocent. Other than that, they are the same game. Your goal is to outwit your partner and be the first to rescue a millionaire who has been kidnapped.

The main allure of the original Japanese game was that the character’s main attack was to literally turn around and fart on enemies. That humorous attack was replaced in this version with simply using a can of spray paint while facing the enemies. The censorship kills a large portion of the game’s only merit…potty humor. Some enemies can be found urinating on trees until you distract them (which predates Conker by a decade). There are only 8 levels to play through in this one. You have the typical energy meter that depletes when you are injured. The character sprites are way too big which means you can’t have many characters on-screen at all, and animations are stiff as a board. The game controls about as well as a group of senior citizens taking place in the Ice Capades after a night of heavy drinking and the sound will make you want to gouge your ears out with a ball point pen.

J.J & Jeff is rather funny if you bother, but the pathetic gameplay just isn’t worth the time or money. If you are hard up to fart on enemies, then go play Oddworld: Abe’s Odyssey for your PlayStation. Otherwise, say away from this crappy game which reeks of more than just gas.