Akerman’s Arcade Asylum – May 12, 2010

It’s like deja vu. Two columns in a row we’re hopping into our trusty aircraft and saving the planet from extinction. Need help on the ground too? We’ve got hand-to-hand combat sorted as well. Once the hard work is done we kick back with a zombie-punting walk through of our destroyed city, and even head to the shores for a spot of surfing. Just your average day for your friendly neighbourhood column writer.

Zeno Clash: Ultimate Edition (Xbox Live Arcade)

If you’ve never played Zeno Clash, the prologue sums up the kind of crazy antics you can quickly get used to. Your primary task is to get to grips with how to fight in the first-person viewpoint by kicking an array of chickens around an enclosed arena. Now, this could be considered normal, until you hear the musings of your teacher, gruffly telling you he’s not dead yet. Er, thanks for that, Sir.

Once into the main game, Zeno Clash is a lot of fun. You’ll be pitted against groups of ugly-faced characters including orc-like creatures, dumb cavemen, and more scarily, angry women. Each fight is remarkably cinematic for an arcade game, as your standpoint winces and stutters with every block, dodge and overhand right.

It must be said, there’s something endlessly exciting about pummelling a group of enemies until they become mulch. Fights are challenging and entertaining at the same time, as you work to stun your opponents in order to move in for a closer knee to the face. Violent? Yes. Fun? Oh yes. Besides, if all else fails, there’s always the opportunity to lob them off the scenery and into the pixelated abyss below.

Raystorm HD (PlayStation Network and Xbox Live Arcade)

Releasing Raystorm HD a week after After Burner Climax is somewhat of an odd decision. Not only is this Square Enix release looking shoddy in comparison, it’s retro ‘feel’ is actually out of place. Originally unleashed into Japanese arcades in 1996, Raystorm HD doesn’t do the ‘high-def’ tag justice.

Maybe we’re spoilt. Although Raystorm plays well, there’s something missing when compared alongside SEGA’s release. The same mechanics are in place, as you shoot many weaker bullets or lock onto your targets for a large blast, and although there’s a host of enemies to dispatch, there’s always a nagging feeling that After Burner does it better in downloadable form.

A huge sense of mis-timing for Raystorm, as if you’re only going to pick up one psychedelic Japanese flight combat game, this isn’t the one. With eight stages there’s a decent amount to work through, but if you haven’t guessed by now, every level lives in the shadow of the beautiful After Burner Climax. If two sisters were giving you the ‘come-to-bed eyes’, one of which was an out-there, busty blonde and the other an overweight, Twilight-reading sweatbag, who would you choose?

Kapture (Xbox Live Indie Games)

Although there’s a well-thought-out back story of why we need to enroll as ‘Agent X’ and save our nation, Kapture is lacking something vital … It’s premise is intriguing as it’s a side-scrolling shooter with an emphasis on strategy.

With limitations on fuel and the amount of shots you can fire, this isn’t your fast-paced, retina-burning title we’re used to seeing on the indie scene. The gameplay itself works well, and there’s huge challenge in trying to make your way to the enemy’s base without exploding into a burning ball of disappointment. The awful part is the game’s presentation, as even though it’s been built by a tiny team, Kapture is one of the ugliest creations we’ve seen in a long time.

Textures are repetitive and bland, and the sound effects are so poor you can practically tell where they’ve been made. Was that my aircraft being shot? No, wait, it was someone whacking a tin shed with a spade.

Super Avatar Hero Force (Xbox Live Indie Games)

We all know how ludicrous avatar-based games can be, and this title isn’t any different. Essentially a game of timing, you’re enrolled into the Hero Force in order to combat the amusingly named ‘Dr Evildude’.

Not exactly much to this one as you press the correct direction at the time needed to attack. Robots, zombies and other avatars will run towards your static position and if you mistime a swipe, you’re gone. As usual, this is an oddly addictive waste of time, albeit backed up by a decent soundtrack for once.