The Dark Knight is the worst thing to happen to cinema since Vin Diesel muscled his way into existence. The sky is, in fact, falling. My dog is not the most adorable being ever to weigh 80 pounds. Chrono Trigger DS is a bad thing.
Of the above four statements, only one of them might be true. Can you guess which? Yep, that’s right. Step on down, Chrono Trigger DS, you harbinger of misfortune, you! After all, you’re living, breathing proof that Square Enix is trying its damndest to, well, not give a damn. Allow me to explain.
So, Chrono Trigger is great right? I bet you can’t wait to jump back into the fray with Frog, Robo, and co. Great fun. But “back” is the operative term here. Haven’t you already played and beaten the game – scouring its brightly colored, Dragonball Z character-populated world until no stone was left unturned, no ending left un-unlocked? Remember when Square worked gamers the world over into a frothy-mouthed fervor by trademarking “Chrono Break”? What ever happened to that? Sure, Chrono Cross was a great game, but it wasn’t the Chrono Trigger sequel fans wanted. How about a real sequel, Square Enix?
But say that doesn’t work. Say that, no matter how much we beg, plead, and grovel, Square keeps their sofa upright. Well then, how about an upgraded version of Chrono Trigger? “But Nathan, new blah dungeon blah blah blah,” you exclaim. Sorry, but that’s hardly enough to warrant plunking down $40. Why not at least give the game a graphical overhaul? Does Square Enix really have its collective head shoved so far down the nostalgia well that it doesn’t even feel the need to sling a few buckets of fresh paint on one of its most treasured titles? Probable E3 announcement: a DS port of the first 1/3 of Final Fantasy VII.
Thus far, however, we’ve overlooked the biggest victim of Square Enix’s slumber party: new IPs. What if the team who developed The World Ends With You had instead been knee-deep in yet another port of Final Fantasy IV? We’d be without one of the most enjoyable, original JRPGs in years. Shame, then, that WEWY was outsold by the latest Dora the Explorer game because, oh, wait for it – we were too busy purchasing rehashes, ports, and remakes. High five for that one, guys and gals. And the DS, with its low development costs and installed-base that dwarfs many a small country, is by far the most fertile soil in which to sow new IPs. So, if an innovative, out-there title failed on the DS, why should Square Enix even approach the tiny peephole through which they might take a tentative glance outside the box on any other console? Instead, Sqaure Enix feeds us ports by the shovel-load and occasionally tosses us a bone in the form of titles like Last Remnant and Infinite Undiscovery – but even those games are only gussied-up versions of titles we’ve been playing for years.
So, are you going to purchase Chrono Trigger DS this holiday season? Or will you take a stand against Sqaure Enix’s exploitative practices?
Okay, fine. How many of you at least haven’t reserved the game yet?
Well, you know, they can refund your $5 anytime. Just saying.
