How do we save the Fantastic Four franchise?

Historically, Fantastic Four has been a cinematic flop to-date. The multiple attempts to bring Marvel’s first family to the big screen has been a bleeding cacophony of disastrous proportion. There has been a call from FOX to list off what needs to be changed to revive the franchise. Consider this a forlorn love letter to 20th Century Fox. Before there was director melt-downs, before there were special effects that seem to be lacking, and before there was anger and bigotry regarding casting, there were comic books.

There is literally half-a-century's worth of data that can be collected and used to revive this franchise. Fantastic Four #1 aired on November 1961; the year is important because this is the era you want to target. Why not a period piece? If X-Men: First Class can base most of its plot in the ‘60s, Fantastic Four can do it too. Things get sticky when you try to take clean-cut, campy humor and adapt it to modern day. “It’s clobberin’ time” isn’t really “on fleek” if you catch my drift. It wouldn’t be absurd to propose a retro drift in sixties New York. I can say without a doubt one of the major things lacking in the first half of the new film is the dialogue, and because this film is an adaption of a multitude of decade-spanning books, this fact is a travesty. Step One: bring back the camp and set it in an era that is acceptable.

Sticking with the theme of a comic base, it wouldn’t kill this franchise to brighten up the background. Okay, we get it. Christopher Nolan’s Batman was dark and gritty and super successful. FF is not the same animal, not even by a longshot. You’re taking one of the most upbeat, slapstick, family oriented character line-ups and trying to make them racy and dark. This is never going to work. Ever. It wouldn’t kill you to brighten up the scenery and brighten up the themes. Step Two: make the panels pop off the page with vibrant color, not realism.

You need to focus on relationships. Not just the relationships on-screen, but the relationship with your audience. This is almost a give-in with this franchise. They are a family. Reed Richards, doting his pipe and silver winged hair, is the essence of patriarchy. Sue Storm is a literal super-mom. Johnny Storm is that older brother who used to give you wedgies and make fun of you in front of his friends for shits and giggles. Ben Grimm is that grumpy uncle, that if you can get him to crack a smile, your whole day is made. They are quirky and ridiculous, but they are your family. Admittedly, this is why I prefer Marvel Comics over DC Comics. Marvel’s characters have always been more relatable to me. There was always something going on in their dynamic make-up that made me think “Hey, I feel you.” Play into that. It’s ridiculously important that we can identify with them, as it keeps us coming back for more. Step Three: Make us part of the family.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAIT TO INTRODUCE DOCTOR DOOM. It’s been done. And it’s failed. Twice. Why not try the Sub-Mariner for a change? Of course Doom is the ultimate in nemesis for our heroes, but shake it up a bit. An aquatic anti-hero might have been a smart move considering Aquaman is being introduced in the next wave of DC films, and it would have been a refreshing taste in our mouths. He looked like a ragdoll and cheesy. How did he get his cape? I know there’s no answer for this but, can you please explain to me how this kid survived and has a cape on the putrid green lava planet? If you’re going to do Doom, he needs to be a terrifying presence that makes your bones shake. Step Four: Change up your villain.

Time for a metaphor. If you have an extremely lucrative business in growing apples and a steady and loyal clientele who love your apples, would you one-day stop producing apples and start selling oranges? The answer is absolutely not. Don’t change your original story. The entire thought process (or lack thereof) in creating an inter-dimension DeLorean to be used by drunk teenagers is a mess. There is an essence of believability in the original story. Adult scientists on a scientific excursion are hurtled into gamma rays that give them powers. That’s origin Noir, and its gold. There are a lot of arguments about origin stories being overdone, I think that an origin is important to the role of a superhero. Especially in this case when these four have life-altering powers inflicted into their bodies. Why not try a different approach to the origin? Man of Steel did it in the form of flashbacks that ran in tangent with the main story line, and it was BRILLIANT and didn’t feel forced. Step Five: Don’t take liberties with changing the story line.

I hate to say it, but I liked the 2005 cast more for the roles. It has nothing to do with the Miles Teller, Michael B Jordan, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell. It has everything to do with age appropriate casting. When I say that Miles Teller in Whiplash is one of my favorite role portrayals in the last decade, I’m not lying. However, he is no Reed Richards. I’m going to chalk this up to poor writing. You have an amazingly talented and funny cast who you did not use. Their dialogue was forced and there was no chemistry. Rumors of Josh Trank’s on-set break downs have been widespread through the internet, and they could have potentially messed with whatever little chemistry there was. Nevertheless, they weren’t believable. Step Six: Utilize the talent you have.

I think the theme of this story is to never forget that you’re creating a comic book film. By saying this, I just want to ask you to remember what we love. What made us fall in love with the comics? Take polls, ask people who their favorite super hero is. Ask us what comic line was the first we ever read. Play into our nostalgia and willful suspension of disbelief. I know I am not alone in saying that this is my passion. I know you’re not personally attacking me with your cinematic adaptations, but you are seriously changing the reasons why I fell in love with these characters. Before this was a multi-billion dollar film industry, it was twenty-five cent comics on a shelf every week. Bring me back to those times and there’s no way you can fail.