Never Been Portaled

My name is Lance, and until about 48 hours ago, I had never played Portal. Not Portal 2, but the original Portal. I know what you’re thinking: have you been living under a rock? The answer is no. Rocks are not my prime choice of dwelling. I just had never gotten around to playing Portal. It’s not that I don’t like puzzle games, but between keeping my sports games’ franchises going and playing first-person shooters and role-playing games, I never got around to it.

One day last week I was scrolling through my Steam library, and I noticed Portal. I purchased it with Orange Box and proceeded to ignore it while I played Team Fortress 2. I was getting tired of everyone saying to me, “What?! You’ve never played Portal? It’s one of the best games ever!” What the hell—I’ll finally try it.

As I played the first few levels, a warm, fuzzy feeling engulfed my body. The game was fun, addicting, and made me feel like a little kid on Christmas morning. I just wanted to keep playing and solving these amazing puzzles with ways I would have never previously thought of. My mind was blown. So this is what I’ve been missing out on.

It was a short game, but it was not without its challenges. It was the most fun I had playing a game in quite some time. The last level felt like a real accomplishment as I used all of the skills that I learned throughout the game and applied them to the obstacles before me. I really wanted the cake—I was so close I could taste it. As I was dragged away and then watched the candle on the cake extinguish, I knew that I needed more. Portal was a “gateway” drug.

And so I propose this: as an ending to this article and perhaps a beginning to the next chapter of my life, I, Lance Liebl, will stand on the pitcher’s mound…will tackle Portal 2 and attempt to overcome the next barrage of puzzles thrown my way—maybe even with a friend.

P.S. I really wanted cake after playing this game, so I went and bought a chocolate overload cake from the local bakery. No lie.