Sucks To Be You

Or some ways games remind you that you’re a loser. I don’t mind losing or dying in a game, as it teaches you not to do it again. You learn, you move on. Here are some ways, however, where developers are not so subtle. They remind you that it sucks to be you, very unprofessionally I might add.

Call Of Duty : Modern Warfare 2 – Being Nuked

This is not fun. Just because someone gets twenty-five kills without dying – obviously from camping somewhere – they have the power to end the multiplayer game with a nuke. Screw everyone. Click. The closest I have got to a twenty-five kill streak is nine. Not. Even. Close.

Red Dead Redemption – Multiplayer Donkey

Being an excellent game as Red Dead Redemption is, it is not until you enter multiplayer for the first time that something becomes amiss. As there is no match making, you are thrown into matches with gamers easily a lot higher in rank than yourself. This is not the issue. No, the problem I have is the mode of transport they give you as Level 1 Greenhorn. A donkey. They expect you to find your posse on a donkey with just a pistol. Do they know how humiliating that is? Of course they do. I can’t tell you how many times I got shot in the back and re-spawned only to get shot again. Donkeys belong in Shrek and not in video games.

Lord Of The Rings: Conquest – Life Is Cheap

I don’t mind at all dying in a game if the reason was justified. In this game, warriors and mini-bosses launch into a combo while you are DOWN, and then an invisible enemy scout appears out of nowhere to stab you in the back as you get up to finish you off. To top it off, if you die, you will need to restart the level. Okay, this is part of the challenge, I know. However, twice I was within five seconds of reaching the end of the level, was offered to become a Hero, and then I was swooped by a fell beast from the sky for an instant kill. And this was on Easy.

Guitar Hero 3 – Getting Booed Off Stage

I had a friend who was a professional musician who got booed off stage on MEDIUM. She was absolutely crushed and all I could say was “sucks to be you.”

Call Of Duty: World At War – Veteran

I love playing Veteran in the Call of Duty series except this particular Veteran was so unbalanced. Each enemy has fifty grenades to your three. If you don’t believe me, read any game review of the Veteran campaign and they will mention the sheer amount of grenades being thrown and why it was nicknamed “Grenades At War.” Or stand at the bottom of the hill and count. Your choice. I understand the grenades were there to keep you moving. I did, toward another console: Mario Kart on the Wii.

Xbox 360 – Red Rings Of Death

Okay, not really a game or a developer’s fault, although this has happened to me three times now, so I thought I would put this out there. The third time it happened, seeing those red lights indicating a hardware failure for the Xbox 360, I calmly evaluated that my truly life sucks. Not only do developers in games remind me, Microsoft is there to stick the knife in too.

Crackdown 2 – Enemy Rockets

How can there be a constant bombardment of enemy rockets? How is it that there is less than half a second between each rocket fired and they have unlimited ammo, from a gang that somehow scrambles vehicles together from scrap metal? Makes no sense, Ruffian. Add to that helicopters that break and explode just from landing them on uneven rock.

I could go on all day with this list but people would just say I am just bitching. By the way I speak fluent sarcasm.