Army Men: RTS – PS2 – Review

The long running
Army Men series, a Small Soldiers meets Toy Story blend, gets a gameplay twist
in the latest edition of the franchise, Army Men RTS.  RTS (Real Time Strategy)
abandons the third person shooter style previously featured in the series in
favor of the real time strategy genre made popular by such games as Warcraft,
Command & Conquer, and Starcraft.  The result is a game of army intelligence
that will entertain for hours. 

The story of Army
Men RTS is very familiar to Vietnam War film buffs or anyone who read Joseph
Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” in high school English, except it doesn’t take
place on the Dark Continent or the sweltering jungles of Southeast Asia, but
rather out of a toy chest in suburbia.  Human soldiers have been replaced by toy
army men and the jungle has been passed over for front lawns, basements, and
bedrooms. Sarge, a gritty character from past Army Men games, is assigned to
hunt down Colonel Blitz, a once legendary colonel who lost his mind both
literally and figuratively.  It seems the Colonel’s new found delirium has led
him to amass a loyal army high in the attic of a neighborhood house.  Sarge’s
objective is to terminate the Colonel and any member of his tan-painted army he
meets along the way. 

While previous
versions of Army Men had the player controlling one unit, RTS puts the player in
control of an entire Army from the ground up. Every unit requires prerequisites
before construction can begin.  For example, you can’t build an army without
barracks, and you can’t build barracks without headquarters.  Starting with a
few units and the ever-important bulldozer, Sarge must build a base, assemble an
army, and assault the enemy. 

Constructing a
base begins with the bulldozer, a unit that can build edifices such as
headquarters, barracks, and garages.  Constructing such buildings requires
resources, either plastic or electricity, which can be harvested from plastic
dolls, Frisbees, batteries and other items strewn across the landscape.  Once
headquarters is established, the bulldozer will need to build a few more
buildings.  Resource Depots process the raw materials taken from items in the
terrain and process them into usable resources.  Barracks produce infantry units
and garages produce vehicles.  Guard posts and barbed wire fences can also be
built to fend off Tan army attacks. 

Once your base has
been set up, you’re ready to assemble an army.  A wide variety of units can be
built, and each unit has its strength.  Grunts are the pawns of the army, not
very effective but inexpensive.  Snipers have a great attack range, but are
ineffective against vehicles.  Tanks are great against armored vehicles and
infantry, but are vulnerable to helicopters.  Because the enemy has the
capability to have the same units as the player, the game quickly becomes a live
action chess match. 

Attacking the
enemy is no walk in the park, it must be done with caution and intelligence.
The overhead view gives a good view of the layout of the terrain, but enemies
can not be seen until they are in visual range of your closest unit.  Ambushes
are frequent, and unsupported scouts can be decimated in seconds.  In order to
make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs, so try not to get too attached
to your units as several of them will undoubtedly be turned into puddles of
melted plastic. 

Army Men RTS has
three modes: Campaign, Great Battles, and Special Operations.  Fifteen lengthy
missions make up the heart of the game, campaign mode.  Each mission in Campaign
mode has a main objective and two difficult bonus objectives. If all three
objectives are completed, missions in Great Battles and Special Operations are
unlocked. 

The controls of
Army Men RTS can be a little daunting at first.  The majority of button pushing
involves selecting specific units and issuing them commands.  Picking the right
units out of a crowd is a skill mandatory for success.  Once this skill is
honed, you’ll feel like General Patton while telling tanks and medics one way
and choppers and bazooka men another.

While the graphics
aren’t superb, they’re more than sufficient to show that even war amongst toys
can be horrific and chaotic.  Even with thirty units on screen, gunfire spraying
in every direction, and buildings being bombarded, Army Men RTS moves smoothly;
no framerate reduction, no choppy graphics.  The cinematic cut scenes look
great, and the impressive direction seems straight out of Coppola’s repertoire.

Every great war
deserves great music, and Army Men RTS is no exception.  With tunes reminiscent
of The Great Escape and The Bridge on the River Kwai, you’ll be ready to rush
into the front line.  Each unit has its own set of quotes and responds like a
boot-licking sycophant in a corporate office, further enhancing your feeling of
total control.  

The real joy of
Army Men RTS is the creativity of the game.  The cut scenes are downright
hilarious, and the movie spoofs are frequent.  The Army Men series and the PS2
make cameos as part of a child’s bedroom, the latter being introduced like the
monolith from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001.  The unique landscape provides cover in
the form of pizza boxes, toy trains, and more.  You’ll even feel like quite the
philanthropist when you rescue a town of Lego men.  Army Men RTS shows that not
only can war be hell… it can also be extremely entertaining. 

Gameplay: 9

No hack and slash
here.  This game will have you flanking, retreating, and ambushing to your
heart’s content.

Graphics: 7.5

While not
mind-blowing, the graphics are definitely above average. 

Sound: 8

Booms and crashes
thunder over a Purple Heart-worthy soundtrack. 

Difficulty: 8

There are rarely
time limits on the missions, so most missions are fairly straightforward.
Completing all the bonus objectives is often very difficult, however. 

Concept: 10

Plastic army men
blowing each other up?  A Lego village in distress?  Ants on the attack?  Sign
up, Soldier!  This is one war unlike any other.

Overall: 8.5

A good RTS game
with plenty of eye candy and humor to keep young and old on the front lines.