DICE: DNA
Integrated Cybernetic Enterprises is a conceptually good, well-executed title.
Saying that will raise a few eyebrows, but what the heck. It had to be said.
Gamers had to know that the base of this game doesn’t suck. If I could take
the gameplay and put it in another scenario, or add more scenarios, or— If I
could do something, I’m sure I could bring out the best of this game.
The score
you see over there, that below-average rating that makes spines shiver, was
caused by the storm this great game created. Everything you see, everything
you experience – every battle, every race and every attack — will repeat
itself in under 60 seconds. You can’t win a race without there being another
one just like it. You can’t win a fight without having 10 battles more that
mirror its essence. Essence should never be mirrored, it sucks the goodness
right out.
DICE is not
a game of mobile suits but a game of robotic vehicles. Dinosaur vehicles to be
exact, and they’re called Dinobreakers. Each dino has two forms: his Jurassic
form, and the form of a vehicle. You can probably guess what each one is used
for – the former takes care of those pesky robotic bugs you’ll encounter.
Playable
characters are paired with Dinobreakers. That way they can transform to meet
the needs of the situation. A large portion of the game is dedicated to
battling. It’s you and your Dinobreaker versus several groups of enemies
(weird robotic things that fall apart quicker than most). These groups aren’t
labeled, but let’s suppose they were labeled with the alphabet. A through D
consists of the same three to five enemies, up to 20. E through N consists of
the same enemies as the previous group. The enemy count has surpassed 100 now.
Continue down this road and it’ll take you to a place that will be left as
soon as possible: Repetition City.
About a
million miles south of Raccoon City, Repetition City is where DICE hibernates.
Permanently. From the first battle I knew what was going to happen. How?
Because the battle I just described was the first!
Beat-’em-ups
were fun in the arcade. Popping quarters, teaming up with friends to beat the
big bosses — that was great fun. Fun but forgettable. And those games had
variety.
DICE’s race
levels aren’t very good. Depending on the character you select the controls
will either be stiff and clunky or too fast. Not a good fast for responsive
turning, the kind of fast that jerks the car from left to right. Guard rails
have frequent breaks, a decision that was made to add challenge I presume.
That might’ve worked if the controls enabled a skilled player to avoid falling
off the track. DICE punishes you for falling off by removing your character
from his/her vehicle. That sucks because you’ll end up wasting time trying to
get back on the vehicle, and by then your opponents will have already passed
by. More pitfalls await, begging the question: should I bother continuing?
Cheesy, over
done voice-overs help to tell the game’s weak story. They also helped kill it.
The graphics aren’t much of a consolation prize – they look alright indoors,
but the outside visuals appear to have been designed with a really low budget,
or really old software. The backgrounds have a cheap, faded look, bringing to
mind images of games that are 10 years old. The Dinobreakers are shiny. I’d
write home but I’m not sure it’s worth bragging about. Maybe to a turtle wax
salesman, but to no one else.
Get past the
gameplay, the graphics, and every repetitive element and what do you find?
Nothing! When the repetition ends, that means the game is over.
The one and
only redeeming quality is the multiplayer mode. It’s not very expansive or
special for an extravagant reason, but it is a lot more fun to repeatedly
attack a friend than it is the computer-controlled opponents. Fight on or off
your Dinobreaker; use your Dinobreaker’s power to remove your opponent from
their dino, then bash him silly when he’s completely defenseless.
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Gameplay: 5.0
One of those ride
the attack button games. Clunky racing sessions are the game’s sole attempt at
variety. The fact that it feels like you’re moving 20 miles per hour
guarantees that, even if you aren’t annoyed by the controls, you won’t want to
see each race through. We shouldn’t let that distract us from the combat
though – it just don’t work. There’s too much of it and it never changes.
Graphics: 4.0
In a year this
would be a 3. There are uglier games but DICE is at the top of the list for
shininess and visual blandness.
Sound: 7.5
Good games get
bad music; repetitive games (sometimes) get good music. It’s a weird world we
live in. If you dare fight through this arduous experience, DICE’s mixture of
peaceful orchestral and semi-techno music will be the highlight.
Difficulty: Easy/Medium
Frustration isn’t
a rating, but it is all you’ll receive during the race stages. The battle
stages – those are a piece of cake.
Concept: 4.0
Dinobreakers are
cool, but you and I both know the idea isn’t new. Nothing this game has to
offer could be classified as original.
Multiplayer: 6.0
A game of
pummel-your-opponent. Just keep hitting the attack button and eventually
someone will win. Kind of like those rock ‘em sock ‘em toys.
Overall: 5.5
I feel like I
need a vacation to recover. A great game wasted on repetition. The racing
levels could use some work (or be removed), but why not perfect the portion
that’s good? DICE’s battles would have been exciting if they had added more
than one kind of level. A combo system other than square-square-square would
worked wonders.
