Rollout iPhone review

The only thing worse than a bad game is a broken game. Games that play well but have some fatal flaw, such as horrendous controls or constant bugs, feel worse than games that are just bad. It’s like getting the chance to actually have fun, and losing it because the developer was too cheap or lazy to make sure the damn thing ran properly.

How much worse is it when it’s both a bad and broken game?

That’s what Rollout is. A rodent rolls around a level for no apparent reason, and players must get to the door in one of the 50 levels by controlling a set of floating orbs which shoot the hairy creature up. Simple idea, though dreadfully boring. Instead of many cheap games of this caliber, Rollout gives players a passive role in the gameplay, making it impossible for any real excitement. Just tap on the screen at the right time, and the action on-screen will do its work.

Above and beyond that, if you turn the game off with an iOS4 device, you’ll lose the data. It doesn’t even save which levels you beat. Imagine that, a game coming out this year which lacks a proper save-game functionality, on the newest of all gaming devices.

OK, so maybe you’re saying to yourself “who turns off their cellphones?” Fair enough, I haven’t turned mine off in at least a month. But what if you need to update and reboot? Or what if your battery dies? Hell, what if your iPhone 3GS now has piss-poor battery life and you shut off all apps to make it run longer? Yes, that’ll lose the data too! I couldn’t make this up, it’s just too stupid.

Fine, so you’ve resigned yourself to buying the game for a family vacation and a long car ride, for one of those boring family trips where you just need to stay as far away from the family as you can. You don’t plan on turning the game off, and have the necessary power. Even then, it’s not worth having because after just three levels you’ll get bored and wish you had a real game.

I can’t recommend Rollout, just like I can’t recommend you punch yourself in the face. No, it’s actually worse than punching yourself in the face. At least with a punch, you won’t be bored while writhing in pain. But, if you’re adamant about playing and don’t really care about spending your money so gingerly, why waste that dollar on this instead of, say, a nice ice cream cone or something at the 99 cents store, or perhaps even another $1 game we’ve reviewed? That way you won’t be a complete boff.